Thanksgiving

I’m awful at expressing it (an opinion frequently voiced by the ladies who have spent any amount of time in my life), but I’m a very grateful person. I feel like most of my happiness and success comes from my friends, family, acquaintances, and even the random strangers who I meet on the street or who IM me. So now, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I’m going to thank every single person I can think of. I hesitate to do this because I can be forgetful and I may accidentally leave out someone important. If I have done that, please don’t be offended. Let me know and I will add you.

Thank you to…

Adam Hammonds for helping me start my gambling empire and for trying the H Fund (oops…).

All my maternal cousins for being so cute and entertaining.

All my paternal cousins for the great summers in Vermont.

Allison for being my first real girlfriend, and probably my most drama-free relationship ever.

Andra for letting me know I could attract the most beautiful models in the world.

Andrew for really brilliant insights, hard work at gambling, and all the fun cooking.

Andy for getting me those tickets.

Anissa for the Smiley Ball wars and for making the office more fun.

Anne for helping make “dumples” and for paying up when you lost the bet.

Anonymous for always trusting me and the Bermuda trip.

Aunt Gwen for cooking us food and staying with us at camp.

Aunt Judy for letting us visit with the school bus and for feeding us.

Aunt Lisa for being the bigger person and apologizing when we had a fight, and for being a perfect host when I came to visit
unexpectedly.

Aunt Nancy for knowing what she likes to do, and doing it all the time.

Aunt Stephanie for always planning fun things to do when we were younger and taking us places.

Austin for coming up with crazy adventures, encouraging mine, and never being afraid to go first.

Beau (ten deuce) for being the original roommate at the office and keeping it gangsta.

Becky for giving me half price Salmon.

Ben King for interesting conversations and fond memories of high school.

Ben M. for teaching me to be a graffiti artist for a month, and for hiding in Lindsay’s car with me.

Bianca for being one of the first Tynan’s Angels and for always having interesting boy stories.

Bing for getting me into Private.

Brian for trying to get me into Iraq.

Bryan for putting up with the office antics with a sense of humor.

Casa de Luz for making being vegan practical, delicious, and convenient.

Chad Bruns for showing me around in Tokyo and for listening to my health advice.

Charles for risking life and limb changing my light switches.

Charlie for teaching me Chinese and taking me to Taiwan with your family.

Cheeze Cracka for inspiring me to rap.

Clifton for being the coolest security guard ever.

Courtney for being an awesome Tynan’s Angel and for the hilarious stories every time I see you.

Craig for always being fun to go out with and for getting me into DYD.

Cristina for being a fantastic Tynan’s Angel and for singing karaoke with me even though you didn’t know the words.

Crystal for introducing me to the wonderful world of cruising, and making me the coolest guy on the ship.

Dad for being a fantastic father and for always helping me when I need it, showing more interest and thoughtfulness on my projects
than I do myself.

Dan Schleuter for the amazing recordings, Flying the V, being part of HC5 and the other awesome memories of Dobie. I miss you.

Dana for always making me look forward to going to the Standard and buying me pez.

Danielle for being unwaveringly supportive, sweet, and complimentary.

Devon for being a great brother, for giving me great funny phrases, and for making me feel like I’m cool.

Doug for always helping with my bizarre endeavors and for giving me someone to skate with.

Dylan for introducing me to Tony Hawk, and for always having interesting things to do.

DZK for making me realize that being the best isn’t the same as being the most successful, and for the awesome music and advice.

Ed for taking a huge risk for me.

Elisia for restoring my faith in women and introducing me to raw food.

Erik Archbold for interesting conversations and the 2005 Badminton Championship.

Evan for the best vegan cooking this side of the mississip’ and for being sweet and caring.

FAT for agreeing to ghostwrite my album.

Formhandle (Jay) for creating fastseduction.com, thus launching me into a much more fulfilling life.

Gabriel for driving all the way back to work just to let me into my place when I locked myself out.

Geoff for a blast in Vegas with Protocol (Randy).

Grammy for teaching me cribbage.

Grampy, my grandfather, for telling me “You know, you need to be able to talk about more than just computers.” And thus possibly
saving me from a lifetime of being a huge nerd.

Grandma for being sweet even when I was young and bratty.

Grandpa for letting us steal change out of your pocket.

Hawt, bigsend, Motown, ebony, David, Ryan, Wolfy, Aimee, Phimix, bender, Isarian, and everyone else who reads and comments on
my site.

Hayden for being responsible for some of the best decisions I’ve made in my life, and for always being supportive.

Herb for giving me advice on things no one else knows about, and for treating me as an adult before I was one.

Hootbear (Jennifer) for killing a chicken before eating them.

Jake for being my friend after the Crystal disaster and for making us do the whole cave.

Jay-Z for the best rap ever.

Jenny for always baking delicious pies.

Jeremy for letting me host karaoke at firehouse.

Jessica for kissing me when it was the most awkward, and for having a totally non awkward friendship afterwards.

Jessica G. for terrorizing Matt.

Jlaix for taking me to gay karaoke and for the suffix “of desire”.

Jodi for making my T Bag and for fixing my car.

Jonah for the great times traveling, the intense challenges, and for watching the same shows I watch.

Josh for the opportunity, even if I didn’t take it.

Julie for being lovely and for unintentionally inspiring me to do a lot.

Karen for putting up with me and for offering to let me rob your bank.

Katie Carlson for putting Mystery and I up in Chicago and for the bizarre stock market story.

Katya for trying so hard and for being so loving and sweet.

Keely for being my first crush.

Kelsey for being the best sister imaginable and for demonstrating that your generation isn’t totally dominated by pop culture and
peer pressure.

Kerry Beckett for being an awesome friend, personal assistant, and for being such a good sport about RD.

Kirk and Vincent for throwing the best parties ever.

Kristen for checking a few things off my “must do before I die list” (no… not like that…) and for drawing my awesome cartoon.

Kurtist for coming out to Karaoke.

Lance Mason for making Project San Francisco great and for hosting me there.

Liz for taking me to Schlitterbahn after it was closed and for giving me my first Jay Z album.

Luke for introducing me to Steve and for hosting me at PSF.

Magnus for always being cheerful and for teaching me tapping.

Mahnu for introducing me to the world of luxury.

Manish for helping me become polyphasic and for hypnotizing me.

Manny for creating the first group of pickup artists I met.

Marine for remembering me after a year. I still remember you!

Marvi for hosting me in Montreal and trying to pick up my cousin.

Mary for bribing me to be social.

Masud for being the best waiter ever.

Matt Kaspar for being a driving force behind the road trips, and for Mattstock.

Milo for showing me that direct method works, and for all the funny emails.

Mom for giving me the most amazing childhood and for loving me and accepting me even though I basically do everything you wish I
wouldn’t.

Mrs. Shapiro for giving me a calligraphy pen when I was 4.

Mum, my grandmother, for serving as a living testament to the benefit of keeping an active mind and a healthy lifestyle, and for
being more interested in hearing my stories than anyone else.

Mystery for teaching me so much and for changing my life.

Nana, my grandmother, for managing my cousins and I during our eagerly anticipated annual visits to Vermont. I’m positive that
those summers benefited me in more ways than I can count.

Neetu for always being so cheerful and for being polyphasic with me.

Neil for making me an F-list celebrity by writing about our life, and for all of the adventures in LA.

Nick Hance for being crazy and for helping me so much at gambling.

Nicole Cass for the help in LA.

Orac for a lot of happy memories back at the Dobie and for taking me shooting.

Papa (Nick Kho) for creating Project Hollywood.

Papa, my grandfather, for showing me how love for your family and perseverance in business will lead to an unreasonably happy life.

Penny for being a great real estate agent.

Phil Gilbert for amazing lake trips, for going to see Jay-Z with me, and our other countless adventures.

Playboy (Stephen) for letting me use your room while you were gone.

R.C. for being the first celebrity I was friends with and for teaching me about that world.

Rick H. for hosting Mystery and I in Vegas and for the advice.

Roadkill (Steve) for making me feel at home in LA with Salt Lick and Sopranos and for coming with me to the house meeting.

Robert Hemphill for being a great landlord.

Robin for all the healthy food.

Ross Jeffries for inviting us to your seminars and being friendly even when we were competing.

Ryan Buchanan for being my best friend in middle school.

Ryan H. for affording me the luxury of not really working for a year.

Seth for giving me one of my first computers and being my best friend in Kindergarten.

Sickboy (Mike) for being so cool to me even though I was a newbie, and for letting me in the fold.

Sima for being so easy to hang out with and for many long conversations.

Steve for being a great boss and for giving some of the best advice I’ve received.

Steve Pavlina for inspiring me to become polyphasic.

Sumaya for helping Dina and I and for being a good friend in College.

Tarynn for the red hat and for cleaning up for me.

Taylor for being a great brother and for showing me how good hearted someone can be.

Terry for singing karaoke with me when no one would, and for the adventures at Dobie.

The pickup artists whose names I’ve forgotton who make me feel important.

TheOne for his TD and Mystery impressions.

Thundercat for great advice on marketing and for sensationalizing my life.

Tim for giving me a chance to move up in the gambling world.

Todd for always being up for adventures and for always being honest.

Todd for trying to teach me chess and for not being too proud to drive thelimo.

Travis for taking me up in the Cherry Picker and not killing me.

Twitch for being a great host in San Antonio and for some of the most fun (if not successful) pickup.

Tyler (Owen) for teaching me so much about pickup, working out, and life, and for telling me what no one else would.

Uncle Jim for giving us a ride in the Porsche and taking us out in the boat.

Uncle John for playing chess with me and for smart advice.

Uncle Johnny for spoiling us and for always being willing to help. I miss you.

Uncle Peter and Aunt Janet for letting us ride horses and wander around the farm.

Uncle Steve for making me think about the virtue of selflessness, unintentional as it may be.

Vlad for being a really cool kid and helping me.

I could write a whole entry about most of these people, but I limited myself to one or two things. Thanks everyone!