Hi, I'm Tynan! I love life and explore its possibilities by ignoring common sense and discovering what is really possible. If you are sick of the Standard 9-5 Lifestyle and want more out of your life, you're in the right place.
What are your MUSTS for dating someone long term? For example, a couple of mine are that she can’t drink, can’t be religious, must be thin, etc. Give me yours to make a post coming up soon better!
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There are 37 Comments.
Beach
-No history of drug/alcohol abuse/addiction.
-Must exercise on a regular basis.
-Must eat healthy
-Must be great with children
-Must be very intelligent
-This may be offensive, but I’d like to know about her family’s health history. As Borat would say “No history of retardation”. Hey, I’m just looking out for my kids…
-Must not have allergies to common things like pollen, dogs, cats, food. (I just traveled to KY, a hot and humid place, from WI with five girls and two of them had allergies and were bitching and miserable the entire time)
-Must be hot
Erica
What do you consider long term? My “musts” for a couple years are different from my “musts” for a forever marriage with kids.
Brian
Well being that I haven’t been in a relationship in 2 years I don’t know what to think.
-An extensive tattoo. I would say no, but thats a limited selection. So nothing big.
So pretty much a cute girl that has respect for her body.
First, I’d like to reply to Beach’s comment above. Do you ask for family and personal medical history on the first date? The comments about allergies and retardation are absurd. Are you into Eugenics? The perfect woman enters your life, but she can’t eat gluten. I guess its not meant to be…
The above ‘musts’ are fine but slightly generic and boring. I think a woman must be honest and confrontational. In any relationship, work is required. Of course, you are going to annoy each other/get angry with your significant other. An important trait is the ability to say “hey, you really pissed me off when you did this or said that.” There’s nothing worse than having a woman who’s upset with you but says nothing, just lets it fester. Being able to get the negative out in the open so it can be dealt with and moved on from is an important part of any relationship.
Tynan
A couple clarification: First, it should be something that you could ask them in one question. Trustworthy is too fuzzy, but “are you a brunette” is easy.
Also, think of what you care about for a relationship “without an expiration date”. You don’t have to be ready to marry the person right off the bat, but it shouldn’t be ruled out either.
Erica
-Ambitious (not because I care about money, but because I care about someone who has drive and a fire in his belly)
-Diverse interests, preferably with some overlap with my own but also some that are completely different from mine
-Wants kids
-Able to comfort me without being pitying; can give me a kick in the pants without simultaneously trivializing my problems
-Tall (over 6′)
-Loves to eat (because I love to cook) and isn’t a picky eater; likes healthy food
-Active and fit, I don’t want someone who won’t go on a hike with me because he’ll get winded
-Physically affectionate (not necessarily in public)
-Passionate
-Brutally honest
-Not squeamish about anything
Greetings from Penang, Malaysia.
My requirements:
1) Outgoing
2)Has a special talent…singing or dancing or anything..
3)Reads a lot..
4)Smells nice even without cologne or deodorant
The perfect girlfriend is not perfect.
She may be fat and ugly to others, but to me, she is beautiful. Like a flower.
She may be retarded, but is the vision I see in my dreams.
She may sleep around with all my friends, and make me raise her children while she has an epileptic fit from an excessive dose of booze…
But I will always love her.
For it is destiny.
FOREVER!!!
Sexy as. Confident, not low self-esteem, and positive. Healthy, eating well and exercising. Feminine. Good relationship with parents. Fun, passionate, interesting. No drugs or getting drunk – I don’t care if she drinks as I enjoy a good cold one but if she drinks miller fresh cause she wants to get drunk and have fun then NEXT.
Jasuk
Absolute musts? Kind of hard to say, for the reason that I’ve had so many good surprises… But for a long term I’d say :
- Positive, outgoing personality, not shy
- Good self-esteem
- Intelligent, witty sense of humor, way with words
- sexually active
- preferably religious/spiritual
- As for looks, feminine, curvy appearance
This biggest one I can think of right now are must not smoke, even if its “just when they drink”.
Also, they can’t be religious, I’ve already tried that sinking ship multiple times and its not worth the frustration.
Finally, now that I am getting more into working out, I don’t think I could date a girl that isn’t into going to the gym at least a couple times a week. Not as big a deal as the first two though.
Ryan
She’s gotta get my jokes, even (especially?) the weird ones. And it’s vital that she be intelligent… but not more so than me. ^__^
(Also, “smoking hot” should basically go without saying)
John
1. Hot, obviously.
2. Doesn’t cut corners on birth control.
3. Critical thinker.
Bill
Great ass.
Seriously, the ass is the most attractive part of a woman. I’ll rather date a girl with a great ass and saggy tits than a girl with merely good ass and good tits.
1) Naturally Pretty
2) Funny
3) non smoker
4) actively fit
5) Great in bed, but no history of being a skank
Beach
Johnny-
I was joking, but some truth was said in jest. And of course I wouldn’t say that shit on the first date, but probably the second. HA!
And yes, I suppose I am into eugenics to certain degree. How could anyone not be? Have you ever been in public and seen completely fucked up parents raising a 3-4 year old who is already utterly obese? That is so wrong in so many ways, it enrages me. They are setting their children’s lives up for a plethora of health issues. And that is just scratching the surface.
Can you honestly say that you’ve never thought that some people should just not reproduce?
And no, I am not a Nazi.
The first few that come to mind:
- Slightly insane
- Adventurous
- Active
- Creative
- Positive attitude
Sean
Tynan, I don’t mean to be contrarian, but here is my list.
- Must be Christian, but must not have any objections to the following:
…Drinking
…Abortion
…Same sex marriage rights
- Naturally good looking
- Intelligent
- Have a sense of humour
- Understand my sense of humour
- Wants children
Yeah, I’m liberal minded.
feather
if she goes out partying with friends that is fine but she has to throw me a text message at some point and let me know shes ok. any girl who goes AWOL for an entire night is UNTRUSTWORTHY. trust me as someone who’s hung out with another dudes girl and watched her behavior.
as far as being super religious or conservative (anti gay marriage) I don’t like that stuff but I wouldn’t disqualify her on that. I’d want to see if I could mellow out her stupid views over time. If I couldn’t then eventually she’d have to go.
Jasuk
Sean, you put it very well. That’s the kind of religion I look for in a girl.
I’m a Christian myself and my take on religion is that it can be – and very often is – a limiting, discriminating and barrier building thing BUT when healthy, is an eye-opening view that makes life more enjoyable in general and flattens the road before you. The positive attitude. Anyway this is my true experience.
Hi, I am a girl so Its written from the point of view of what I look for in a guy, but I think its applicable.
This is the ‘type’ of guy I usually go for. It’s not a ‘checklist’ as such. But If I met a guy possesing any of following views/characterists I would find him very attractive for a LTR.
1. Not religious. I’m totally at peace with my views on religion so he must understand that.
2. Must be/want to be self employed. I think working in big firm gives you a false sense of security. And I like ambitious men that aren’t scared to do their own thing. I also find self employed men much more positive and less stressed.
3. Have self worth. Self-confidence. Be able to feel good about himself and not need others approval. Not need expensive clothes/ car for an ego boost.
4. Be assertive. Be able to say no.
5. Be honest and live as transparently as possible.
6. Be his OWN person.
7. Deal well with stress/ pressure. Not break down if things go wrong.
8. Get on well woith others. Be sociable and friendly.
9. Firm handshake. Good eyecontact. Personal magnetism.
10. Positive mental arttitude.
11. Want others to be successful and happy.
12. No depemdence on drugs, alcohol etc.
13. Take care of body. Enjoy hiking/walking or other forms of exercise.
14. Intelligent. I don’t mean neccessarily having 3 masters degrees.
But have some life experience.
15. Be able to teach yourself new things. Not rely on others to teach you.
16. Good discussions about religion/spirituatlity/ poltics/ social dynamics/ sex.
17. Healthy attitude towards money. Not need money from an ego standpoint. But want success and freedom.
18. I want businesses that can be run from anywhere in the world. So someone that shares my dream of living on private island and traveling.
19. I don’t do birthdays. Must understand that and not think I’m weird. My philosophy is you buy stuff when you NEED it. So birthday pointless.
20. Helthy attitude toward sex. No religious or other damaging beliefs about sex.
21. High sex drive. Most successful men I have met have a high sex drive. So thats alwaysa good sign.
Noisette
Requirements for dudes I date long-term:
MUST HAVE
- Handsome Face
- Athletic Body
- Cheerful Attitude
- Creative Mind
- Fabulous Sense of Humor
BONUS IF
- Tall
- Well-Endowed
- Sharp Dresser
- Self-Employed
NEGATIVE POINTS
- Crazy Religious
- Self-conscious
- Half Shark/Alligator-Half Man (it just never works out)
Gruntwilligar
Some of my ‘musts’: I definately find a woman with intelligence and education a turn-on. Not smoking is a big one too, I’ve never enjoyed kissing or hugging a smoker. I also want my partner to be someone who walks beside me as an equal, different but equal. Another item I like is someone who is a bit unusual not waaaay out in left field, just different enough to stand out from the ‘herd’. While looks are not so important long term, they are usually what attract me, at least physically, at first. I find very slender, tallish women to be VERY attractive physically and red hair can make my heart flutter wildly.
Gruntie
Magnus
She must have a hot mom.
If you’re gonna stay with a girl after babies and when she grows old, this is the only way to gauge if she’ll still be pleasant to look at.
This advice could save both sides a lot of heartache if you have to dump your girlfriend for getting fat after childbirth, etc
Positive outlook on life…someone who can have fun in any situation, whether things go perfectly or not.
-in direct contrast to your post she has to be christian
-has to be active
-has to challenge me
-has to have fun
-can’t be high maintenance
Donna
- Financially solvent. Gotta have a job, and I don’t mean as a clerk at the convenience store down the street.
- Family-oriented. Looking toward the future, someone who wants children and family.
- Intelligent, both mentally and emotionally. Doesn’t have to be a college graduate; but must be emotionally cognizant, capable of communication and reasoning.
- Possessing good personal hygiene.
elai
What really matters in the end is that they don’t have several personality traits that makes a long term relationship hell. Like co-dependent behavior, being manipulative, being negative, an inability to forgive & forget easily and to hold on to grudges, an inability to speak their mind (and problems). An ability to maturely be willing to talk to someone and to not “shut them out” and not talking to them because your “too mad”.
Another thing is to be able to accept personal preferences and differences without stressing out about it. I don’t drink for example, but as long the other partner doesn’t push me to drink (or make me feel uncomfortable about it) and is totally accepting of it and vice versa, it shouldn’t matter. Religion, drinking, BF%, height, ethnicity, language, Mac or PC, freckles. It starts sounding like “I’ll only marry a Muslim” or “I’ll only marry other white americans, otherwise we just won’t get along” if you start going down that path.
Also the same should apply about the kids too.
Both each other’s family’s should be comfortable with you and with each other eventually.
There are probably other types “relationship red flags”, but those are the ones I have experience with in my family and relationships.
Attraction wise, that depends on the person. I’ve noticed that the other girl has to be creative & alive in some way (design, science, engineering, whatever) or that attraction doesn’t spark. Something about the personality type.
Also, it’s not worth it to go with someone if they have something that will cause tons of stress. Like a drug addiction, extreme obesity or health issues, major mental issues, an inability to be financially solvent, etc.
Josh McDonald
No smoking.
Hot (to my eyes).
If she’s over 21, she needs to have a job she wouldn’t mind doing for a few years. Nobody flying from miserable sales job to miserable sales job every 12 months.
She knows her own worth without me telling her, but will believe me when I do.
Zen. Realises that everything is going to be OK, and “they can’t eat you”.
Graham
Sexy. If I think she’s sexy, she’s sexy.
Takes care of herself. Is physically active. Puts in the effort to keep her body nice.
Sexual, in touch with her sexuality, and not uptight about sex. Every girl I’ve seriously dated has been bi, coincidentally.
Liberal. Pro gay marriage. Pro individual freedoms. Pro choice.
Educated and intelligent. She doesn’t need a phD or to be Marilyn Vos Savant, but she needs to be smart enough to carry on a conversation, and she needs to read and enjoying learning.
Music lover. Any girl that likes “whatever’s on the radio” isn’t going to get along well with me. She needs to have individual tastes, they don’t need to match mine, but they need to be developed. If she dislikes the beatles, that could be a dealbreaker. I’ve yet to know anybody who was sane and normal and truly disliked the beatles. I know some people who are too cool for them though.
She has to be an eater. I can date veggies and vegans, I flip flop between healthy omnivore and healthy veggie, but she has to respect, appreciate, and love food. Open to all ethnicities, open to trying new foods all the time, not too squeamish. Can’t eat fast food too often. That shit is nasty.
Can’t be an alcoholic. If you have to ask me if you drink too much, you already know the answer hun. Can’t be a drug addict. If you smoke weed once a month, whatever. If your life is drugs and druggies, I’m past that point, thanks but no thanks.
Can’t be overly religious. Don’t push it on me. Don’t push it on others. Don’t assume that, if there is an afterlife, your group is the only one going.
Must have a positive attitude and self confidence. Must not be codependent. If you can’t be happy alone, you’ll never be happy in a relationship.
Mads
Four essential requirements:
- non-smoker, don’t want to kiss an ashtray
- slim, even the slightest bit of overweight kills all sexiness*
- adventurous, no room for boring girls here.
- intelligent, also no room for girls that need everything explained five times.
*) Secret tip: Go for the Asian girls, they are almost always slim and most often they stay that way even after giving birth, getting older, etc.
Dan
No wonder you guys are all single, since your standards range from ridiculous to superficial.
My requirements.
- Doesn’t harm herself by excessive drinking/drugs/smoking, any criminal acts etc
- Not crazy (excessive jealousy, clingy, needy, moody etc)
- Smart, positive and open-minded
- Compatible attitudes about things like order/cleanliness, spending vs saving money etc
Alyss
She must:
-be intelligent and opinionated
-have a good sense of humour
-not be embarrassed about her sexuality
-understand that introverts need to be alone sometimes
-like good music (or at least a wide range)
-be/be prepared to become a vegetarian
Ideally, she’d also be straightedge.
hello tynan
LTR partner for me must have the following qualities:
-must be able to laugh at himself silly, not take things or himself too seriously.
-Gorgeous smile with equally deep penetrating eyes that look into mine when he’s talking.
-Rational, reasonable, not religious, more spiritual than anything, but logical more than anything
-Drinks with me when I am drinking, but is not alcohol dependent.
-Calls or texts me everyday when he is away.
-Must give the BEST HUGS
ps: I miss Him already!
Tomas
1. Must drink. I dont mean AA stuff, I just think that its great fun and a terrific release to just get completely shitfaced every now and then, and id hate to be doing that while my girlfriend just sips more sprite and looks at me condescendingly.
If she doesnt drink, she cant look badly on it nor be too judgemental about it, and must have a very high energy when going out.
I guess “must drink” doesnt quite sound right. There’s a latin expression that goes “es un vividor”, as in “he really lives life”. This is used with people who like their lives colored so-to-speak. Great food, great drinks, great music and a lot of dancing.
2. Intelligence, emotionally and spiritually. I like talking a LOT, about a very wide variety of topics. I dont need harvard material, anyone with an interest in looking beyond the surface will do.
3. ABSOLUTELY CANNOT take herself too seriously. There’s nothing i hate more than a holier-than-thou attitude, or these people who think the world will crumble if they dont show up at work every single day. Lighten up! Life is too short to worry that much about anything!
4. Great sense of humour.
5. A good sense of style, a decent amount of taking care of her body. I dont date only supermodels, in fact, many of the greatest women i’ve dated and fallen in love with wouldnt be in the bikini model category. But i cannot date a women who consciously decides to not give a damn. Having a few extra pounds isnt an excuse for looking like you live in a trailer. (Hah! no offense tynan. you know what i mean.) I love a girl with her own style, and that worries and dresses up for me. Cause i do the same for her.
That being said, i dont like excessive grooming either. Girls who cant go camping without a suitcase worth of make up make me cry.
I think you’ve already written the post, but my I outlined my dream girl here: http://hammer86blog.com/2008/09/25/what-i-look-for-in-a-long-term-mate/
Starsailor
Well, she can’t smoke or do drugs obviously.
She must be physically attractive and, related to this, she must take care of her body – eat healthy and exercise.
She must be optimistic and adventurous.
She can’t be complacent once she gets into a relationship – she has to remain a challenge, to some extent