I Wrote a Pickup Book!

You really should mention that you are Herbal from The Game at the top of that sales page…

I have the extra money (sorta) but I just have to find a credit card to make the purchase.

Yo man, just got finished reading the whole page (yeah Im driven, or bored, you decide)

The things I like about it: I like you mentioning how successful you had been and where you had been before. I like the three choice part. I like the little teasers of stuff you have in the book (well written and tantalyzing)

What I dont really care for: The testmonials seemed a little dry. I mean, they did there job but not spectacularly, you know? Also I dont think you need to really bash any other gurus (even the fake ones). Their reputations will speak for them and yours will speak for you. Lastly it seemed wierd that you hung on to that one example of the model that you took from her b/f (where is that entry, anyway? Lol). You mention all these other examples but you seem to focus to much on that one time. I know better but if I didnt I would believe that that was one rare occurance instead of the everyday thing it probabally is. “Win like it happens to often and lose like its a good change of pace.”

Other than that good job, I hope to be checking it out soon.

Thanks man…. I will definitely take into consideration your points.

A few people have now specifically mentioned that paragraph, so I will revise or remove it. I wasn’t referring to the great books by people like Mystery, of course, but I guess that isn’t clear. Thanks a lot for the comments and for reading my blog!

Tynan

When did you last try? It should work now. There was a problem ealrier with it.

Tynan

Use Google Checkout instead of Paypal.

Aight mate.

The first thing I’d say is that it reads much like every other fucking crappy pickup book / make money fast / be awesome eBook advert out on the internet or over on eBay. This is probably fine, because you’ve done a very effective job at what I feel are some key things, as I’ll explain below, and after all, there’s a reason they’re all like that, and that’s that it works. However, I, personally, would be more attracted to something a little bit more distinctive and individual, to make it stick in my memory a little more, to make me think next time I get rejected “hey, there was that awesome looking eBook online that I should get”. Video clips of a pickup? Sample pages? I don’t know what to suggest to be honest, I’ll think about it as I have way too much free time.

Something that sticks in my mind, and I can’t remember where I found it, was a video of Style, pre transformation, doing fucking geeky standup, and being lame, ugly, and terrible all at once. That really stuck in my head.

Here are my comments. Good and bad mixed in together.

1) You’ve targeted, almost verbatim, exactly the kind of people who will stumble across this and decide to buy. “Computer Geeks”. “Too shy”. “Buying a lottery ticket”. Brilliant. Not only have you built a rapport with them quite early in the piece, but by suggesting that you’ve gone from being one of them to being the PUA that you are, be it true or not, you’ve got their attention immediately.

2) Ramble Ramble Ramble. It seems a bit long. However, the way you break it up, use attention grabbing headlines and highlight key points counterbalances this.

3) Testimonials. More people with less to say would be ideal, in my opinion. Just three long winded testimonials gives the impression that you’ve got some friends to write some stuff and passed it off as “Look what ‘everyone’ is saying”. The juxtaposition between the bullet pointed testimonials and the prose ones, and also the fact that the last two testimonials have names and locations, but the first doesn’t, is jarring. The first one seems to be in a totally different style to the other two. If it’s a book review by someone legit, frame it as such. If it’s not, frame it the same way as the other two testimonials.

I’m not quite sure about the mugshots either. The first guy looks about 14 and a bit comical, the second guy is fine, he looks like a real bruiser, and the third guy… the photo is terrible. Perhaps this is the point. Perhaps you’re trying to say “these guys aren’t really, really attractive, but they can now get women thanks to the book”, but for me the mugshots kind of broke my concentration.

Also go over the testimonials and correct their punctuation, grammar, syntax, capitalization etc.

3) I Will NOT Teach You How to Manipulate Women. This is a good section.

4) The money back guarantees sound almost too good to be true, but I can’t really think of any way of making them sound as legit as they are. This shouldn’t really be an issue.

5) I thought it was hilarious when I signed up for the free bootcamp, because your page started calling me Scarfo. I can’t decide whether it would be an awesome or rubbish name to use as a PUA, but anything is better than Ben.

So yeah, I think it’s really good in all. Congratulations and all that. Just fix the testimonials, so they meet the standard set by the rest of the page, and we’re rockin’.

As recompense for enjoying your sites free of charge (!) I’m going to offer a few business/marketing suggestions:

1. Think less about having a “makeherchaseyou” website selling things, and more in terms of building a “makeherchaseyou” brand, as a platform from which to sell your goods and services from. That name is just perfect, by the way.
2. Create a sexy looking simple corporate logo, maybe a stick man being chased by several stick women, to use as an accent on all your pages and products. The stick man could even wear a sideways baseball hat if you must! The point of the logo is to raise the quality of business image you project, a certain corporate consistency for people to feel comfortable dealing with. Keep it 2D and 2 colour…all the best logos are.
3. Don’t make it difficult for the customer to commit by hiding the button at the end of War & Peace. More buttons, or less text, or an ever present scrolling sidebar button with branding.
4. Funnel the right person to the right product…don’t lead them to a page for an ebook, then immediately try and escalate them into a bootcamp, they may assume everything on the page is too expensive for them, and quit. Have a homepage and lead them to choose the product they want from the menu there, then go into information about that specific product on the relevant page. This may naturally make them more invested in the exercise and may therefore increase your conversion rate.
5. Consider graphics rather than text. I know you have a rationale of following the industry benchmark, and maybe you should stick to that concept first as the proven play, being that you will have invested money in this. But if it doesn’t take off, consider covering the entire monitor screen with graphics that instantly convey what your goods/services will do for the customer. No need for them to scroll down or be persuaded. I’d build on the idea of the “being chased” dynamic you show in your header photo. It should scream “want to go from THIS to THIS? Then try THIS!”. In sales in particular, a picture tells a thousand words…so consider showing them, not telling them. The detail can come later in the site, once you have already sucked them in. Maybe construct a parralel site selling the same thing in a different style, as an experiment.

My businesses are not in the PU industry so maybe my perspective doesn’t translate, but I hope there is something useful there for you.

Cheers,

Motown

Smack,

Thanks a lot… it was a really stupid mistake.

I think that the free trial will be really profitable long term. There will be a few scammers, but I really do believe that the book is going to help everyone who reads it, and I’m happy to prove it before they have to pay.

Thanks a lot for reading and for finding that error!

Tynan

Hello,
I have two points to make. First, though the read is lengthy and likely to draw attention to people likely to search for that type of literature (like me, for example), there is very little in the way of concrete proof in the essay. The testimonials tend to say things like they enjoyed the book, but they never seem to say how they’ve improved with the ladies after having read it. You may try encouraging people submitting testimonials to include a personal story of an incident in which your advice was helpful, which should show that the text isn’t just self-promotion.
Second, I was wondering if the book is available in hard copy through a bookstore anywhere? I’m not personally a fan of ebooks, and no matter how helpful the information may be some people, like I, may not be willing to purchase it only over the internet; there’s no sense of property when all one owns are a few electric impulses, sort of thing…
Thanks!