Hi, I'm Tynan! I love life and explore its possibilities by ignoring common sense and discovering what is really possible. If you are sick of the Standard 9-5 Lifestyle and want more out of your life, you're in the right place.
Seriously. I may not have mentioned this before, but my life revolves around one thing. Tostadas. Whole foods makes them raw, and they are a flax seed cracker with fake beans, avocado, mixed greens, pico de gallo, and fake sour cream. I love these things with most of my heart. Since discovering them I get one every time I go to Whole Foods, and sometimes I take one home with me even though they get soggy.
Tonight I had myself a nice little night planned out. I was going to drive to Whole Foods to meet Todd for Dinner, come back home, get ready, and go hit SXSW with some friends from San Fran.
As usual I took a lesuirely shower and planned it so that I would have JUST enough time to eat dinner there.
As I pulled out of the driveway I noticed that the ride felt a little bumpy. After a block or so I pulled over to find my rear passenger side tire flat.
My tires go flat ALL the time. About a year ago I had the idea that I really needed to get some huge chrome rims. Nevermind that larger rims have a rougher ride and go flat all the time, or that I never really see them – I wanted them. I finally bought some 19″ Carlsson rims with Dunlop SP 9000 tires. I was happy.
When I put them on the car I was less happy. The bolts from my old tires didn’t work. I think I already wrote about this in the Mercedes post, so I won’t go into it. If you don’t feel like reading a rant about Mercedes, the short version is that I drove everywhere and had to spend months to find the right size bolts.
Finally I got it working. The ride was rough, though. Sure, everyone had told me it would be, but I didn’t really believe them. My car has some fancy pneumatic suspension that I had assigned god like powers to. I was wrong. It’s not bad, but the car felt a boat trolling through a lake of chocolate pudding beforehand.
Then of course one of the tires goes flat every couple months. I don’t know why, but apparently this is common with low profile tires. If I would remember to check the pressures, I guess that wouldn’t happen, but I never check. I have a compressor I keep in my trunk so that I can fill the tires back up.
Tonight was different, though. I must have run over a rhinoceros or nunchuck or something because the tire was hissing air. I tried a can of fixaflat as well as the compressor, but the air wouldn’t stay in for long.
No tostada for me.
Luckily I live within potato gun range of Albertsons, so I limped my car there. Surprise! I can’t eat anything in the stupid store. I bought an avocado and some salad stuff but I was absolutely starving.
If only I could eat a pizza. Eh… why not. I eat raw all the time… my body is a veritable digestion monster… finely tuned and ready to handle anything. I guiltily threw the Amy’s Organic pizza into my cart and checked out.
Side note – real groceries are cheap! I bought a HUGE bag of oranges for $4. That’s insane. Normally I can get about 4 organic oranges for that much. I find it tough to stick to buying organic because in many cases it doesn’t taste any different and I don’t feel any better. I’d better be getting some extra years out of life out of this deal.
I hobbled to the gas station, filled up the tire again, raced home, fired up my oven for the first time in over a month, and put the pizza in.
12 minutes later it was done. My weight is now down to 138 which is way too low (I was at 145 two weeks ago), so I was excited about the 900 calories hidden inside the sweet smelling pizza. I poured a large glass of unpasteurized organic orange juice and sat down.
The first bite was delicious. Things made with flour are so soft, I noticed. The whole first piece was pretty tasty. By the second piece I wasn’t as in love. By the time I finished I felt sick.
Newsflash – last time I ate pizza to cheat on my diet I felt gross. Why would I do it again? I may never eat pizza again as long as I live. I feel kinda ok now, but also kinda queasy.
The truth is that I am never tempted to cheat on the diet EXCEPT when I have run out of food. Normal food is so much more convenient and quick that my body screams out “get anything in me!”. I usually don’t, but today I was weak.
If I write about eating another stupid pizza and feeling sick, please sign my e-mail address up for junk mail and post comments telling me I’m an idiot.
My plan? Eat the whole bag of oranges to push this stupid pizza out of my system.
My
Bender.PUA
WTF you are sick from pizza? You have become a fruit eating monkey, im not taking your diet. But we can still be friends and hang out in the tree tops. :)